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While I was watching TV, I just thought of the best way to fix any relationship, for cheap!!
When ever I see a commercial for Jared's Jewelers, women apparently greet each other by telling each other if their boyfriend went to Jared's or not ("He went to Jared's!").
If I had a girlfriend this is what I'd do...
Every time we would have a fight, I'd just take her over to Jared's, and let her run wild. Now, I don't have any money, so I would probably just get her something from a nearby quarter machine. She gets something from Jared's and I would be the best boyfriend ever!
I could just imagine my wedding ceremony. The priest would say "Now repeat after me, 'with this Batman figurine, I thee wed'".
I was watching Spike's Video Game Awards last night, and it pissed me off. First off, no love for No More Heroes on the Wii? Come on!
Second, who the fuck thought it was a good idea to put LL Cool J and let him do "Mama Said Knock You Out" (or that new song) for a minute, but All American Rejects got to perform an enitire song? I felt like I had an aneurysm after I heard it.
This is Handy Manny.
He's the illegal immigrant version of Bob the Builder.
He has a button on his belt that you press and he talks in English and Spanish.
He comes with a Home Depot parking lot playset and is about half the price of Bob the Builder.
Can we fix it?
Si se puede!
Was it strange that I thought the highlight of the SNL episode with Sarah Palin was the appearance by Mark Wahlberg? ("Say hi to your mother" cracks me up for some reason).
So I'm confused. Is the Republican candidate John McCain, Sarah Palin, or Joe the Plumber? At this point, does Paris Hilton look to be a more competetant leader than anything the GOP is throwing at us?
I'm dating a girl right now who is obsessed with the Twilight books. In those books, vampires don't drink blood (the good ones, at least) and they sparkle in the sunlight. I happen to like the Blade movies. The only time they sparkle is when Blade kills them and they turn to ash.
I still get IM messages from Becerra "chick", only this time she goes by Debbie Dream (or something like that). She's pretending that she's a chick who is in love with me, I pretend that I'm married. I think I scared her off when "my wife" asked "her" if she was "bi".
I began studying about Lesbians.
And to curb any impure thoughts, I mean the people of the island of Lesbos in Greece.
Apparently, they like to eat out. They love fish tacos and fuzzy clams. Oh, and they hate sausages. If your curious where it is, just look for the little man in the boat.
Vagina
Saw the funniest thing on Olbermann last night.
Republican Sarah Palin was giving a speech at one of her "Palin for (vice) President" Rallies when I suppose there were some sound or technical problems. The people in the back couldn't hear her, and began chanting "LOUDER, LOUDER". Then for some reason, the people in front began chanting "SARAH, SARAH" at the same time.
In all the confusion, Palin said that she hoped the people in the back were brave enough to thank the soldiers for protecting their right to protest. Then she was pulled off to the side and told "No, they aren't protesting, they can't hear you".
Then there was the fact that she was boo-ed while dropping the puck at a Flyers/Rangers game. That was hilarious.
Then when she was found guilty of violating ethical conducts as Governor of Alaska, in one of her rare on the spot interviews, she said she was glad that she was cleared of the charges.
I kinda had the feeling that the choice of Sarah Palin was going to bite McCain in the ass.
Joe Biden does have his share of gaffes, but I think he has less of a negative reaction from people, and is less embarrassing than Palin's (He called Obama "Barack America", pretty funny, I thought).
Honestly, as someone who would like to have some sort of future in comedy, I hope Palin continues on the national stage, even if she isn't Vice President.
Was anybody else disappointed that Palin didn't fuck up in an epic Tina Fey-esque fashion? I mean, I guess when she decided not to answer the moderator's questions and just answer whatever random subject floated in her mind at that moment, but still, she was (mostly) coherent.
There is this one woman I work with who I am pretty sure is a ninja. Which is impressive, since I'm guessing she is more than 300 lbs. She disappears without a trace for minutes on end and comes back without any warning or clue where she went to. I have to learn what her secret is. Could she be...Batman?
I'm trying to ween myself off of Pepsi. I don't even like Pepsi, but every five caps I enter I get free MP3s. Well, I only got a couple of downloads, because but I can't think of anymore I wanted to get, other than a couple more (I'm thinking of getting Sonic Youth's somber "The Diamond Sea" or Greenskeepers' "Lotion", an odd ode to Silence of the Lambs.)
If I had a pet, I'd try to teach it how to use the nunchuks. I have nunchuks, really. My ceiling fan's all fucked up.
Has anyone noticed how political Funny or Die has gotten? We've gotten awfully cozy with the Huffington Post lately. I'm certainly glad that there are so many that agree with me that Obama should be president, and I am planning on voting Nov. 4 (Whoo, Obama '08), but the whole political thing stresses me the fuck out. I'm so happy that football is here. (Michigan State is kicking some serious ass this year, which is great!)
My picks:
Redskins over Eagles
Panthers over Chiefs
Da Bears over Lions
Falcons over Packers
Ravens over Titans
Chargers over Dolphins
Colts over Texans Giants over Seahawks
Bucs over Broncos
Bills over Cards (C'mon Buffalo, you can get that 5-0 start)
Cowboys over Bengals
49ers over Patriots (Hey, if Miami can do it, right?)
Jaguars over Steelers
Vikings over Saints
Juss got bak frum wurk, got DRUNK ASS HEll!! Hear mah pix!!!11!
Dah SHiT-stayns over teh KiTTY cats!
Johnny Depps over the Cheesers
Black Cats voer Michael Vick's guys
Hey this girl's got noce tits! What's that say? Vikings? ok, they win over the Tennessee team.
the Jack-offs over George Bush's guys
Horsies over the guys with the funny headdresses
NINERS!! WOOOO!! SUPER BOWL!! kick some Saint ass!
Red birds spank the jets
Batteries over lamer pirates
I miss my grandpaaernts. They win over Rams. Thet live in Buffalo.
indians beat Brokeback Mountaineers.
Beers beet Eagles
Steelers beat up Baltimoor.
*urp
I'm goona rest now.
ruvvyvyryuyvvvvuvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv
